the explanation

….ten years ago in a musty, dark,two bedroom apartment in capitola,california ..i tacked a recently unfolded map of the world to the wall of the kitchen/dining area,. my room/cellmate tony, and I had almost no furniture,,no pictures adorned our walls..our mtn.bikes were the only guests in the dining area..no table.,no chairs…the map seemed like a work of art,..i can still feel the pressure/resistance of the tacks under my thumb as they worked their way into the drywall…having only arrived in california nine months earlier from my home in new jersey via,delaware and a misguided, blurry,year long stint in las vegas…I found myself overwhelmed by my new landscapes in the west, the mountains.. coastlines,..the soft feminine like hills of santa clara county where I had just begun to work…the stark differences in the the way the light moves as the sun rises..and sets on the opposing coasts.,flowers in bloom in december.? …..a constant sense of motion, curiosity,and wonder began to grow,,and I have never been able to put the cork back in the bottle…

…..in a brighter apartment a couple of years later,an apartment with furniture,an oceanview,and a gas grill on the deck..,I opened the map up,and realized that the united states was at its center.,.countless hours spent looking at that map, everytime I walked in/out the door,,and I had never thought about it before,,or realized how easily an illustration can effect perception,.reality..and often does.. the way it can influence a population.,forge false ideologies.stunt growth,cultural development and understanding,,blind people from seeing the world as it really is,,an amazing diverse spinning blue ball,warmed by a star,.miraculously directed by gravity,.and inhabited by 6 billion living breathing humans that all have their own ‘centered’ maps, pinned to their own walls,,structural..or mental.. I still have the map,,but i now prefer globes…no beginnings.no endings..no centers….everything being relative to where you are standing..

…. i have a few stamps in my passport,but the desire to take this time in my life to explore,play and experience the world has been long coming,the decision to do it now,a result of holding my breath for too long..waiting for the rusty wire that I felt held it all together, to give way,,I always thought it would be a graceful planned out affair..i would be well read..have a course…ten months ago I landed in thailand,for a what I thought was going to be a two month holiday,how wrong I was.. my life changed…so much has happened since landing at BKK ..so many shifts..love..loss..and healing..life performing its best strip tease for me….I never could have imagined I would be sitting on a balcony in Bali right now, the indian ocean in front of me,all of my possessions in a dear friends house in california..….but it’s a good spot..with a great view…everything is relative..

…the last two weeks at home before leaving were nothing short of bliss..surrounded by great friends,.old…and new..showered with love and grace..collectively..one on one…you are my mates..my clan..my tribe..my family,.and it is with this in my heart that the lines between departures,arrivals,,endings and new beginnings all vanish…. relax..you are with me..as I am with you

….calvin and hobbes was my favorite comic strip before bill waterson decided to stop drawing.i followed their antics,imaginations,mishaps and adventures religiously,.. in the very last frames he drew,the two of them are looking down a mountain of freshly fallen snow….bounding down on their sled the caption was perfect,and simple……It’s a magical world,.hobbes ol buddy..let’s go exploring ..!!!”…